My 70-Year Old Bully

My sweet little family attended the Provo City Center temple open house yesterday.  It was a great experience for my kids.  I was so happy they had the opportunity to attend the House of the Lord as children.  Being able to go inside now will one day help them feel familiar with the temple.

My experience, however, was thwarted by an older woman who seemed to be more concerned about the behavior of my kids and judging me as a mom than she was about why we were all there.  I was so upset by her actions that I just wanted to run from the facility!  But I kept my cool as I was there for my kids and not for me (as in a few weeks here, I'll be able to go inside any time I want).

Let me back up...I was unable to secure tickets to the Provo City Center temple open house.  For whatever reason, I missed the Monday at 10:00 am online designated time {or whenever it was} where you could sign up for tickets.  Then I missed it the 2nd time they came available - seems to be my lot in life lately.  But I still wanted our family to attend.  So Friday, my kids were out of school and, trying to avoid a weekend standby line, we decided to go that day right after lunch so my husband could at least get some work done at the office.  It was a bitter, freezing February day in Provo and the standby line didn't appear to be too long so we decided to stand there and wait since we had already driven from Salt Lake.

As we waited, the 8-year old twin boys entertained their 6-year old sister and 4-year old brother by playing just outside our standby line.  They played anything from Hide-And-Seek, I Spy, to Freeze Tag.  I was pleasantly surprised by the way that the kids were entertained (and staying warm!) passing this time.  When we got through the standby line into the actual ticket line, 45 minutes had passed.  We were only expecting to be waiting about 5 minutes as that's what we were informed.  By this time, the 2-year old was well past her nap (need I say more?) and I didn't bring the well-stocked diaper bag from the car because no food or drink was allowed in the temple.  The 6-year old was not happy about that and kept reminding me about it.

As we walked as a family still outside the temple open house but slowly  getting closer, my twin boys were hopping from each chain-stand divider to the next.  I didn't feel like it was infringing on anyone and didn't even think twice about it.  But apparently the grey-haired, heavier set woman about 4 or 5 people behind me thought differently.  When the line abruptly stopped, she loudly scolded my boys, in front of me and several other attendees in line.  "THOSE! ARE! NOT! TOYS!"  she yelled.  My twins and I turned around in kind of an embarrassed shock but decided to just ignore her.  Should they have been hopping on the stands?  I guess not, but were they really doing any harm?  Yet we complied with her "request."  My husband was a little up ahead and didn't see the incident.  Honestly, I was trying not to roll my eyes.  Back off lady, sheesh!  They are just kids.  But she didn't stop there.

We kept walking (the twins stopped hopping) and we came past large pictures of the old tabernacle/now temple that were posted along the wall as we proceeded.  My 6-year old wanted a closer look so we let her, the 4-year old and the 2-year old go under the chain to stand near the wall of pictures as the line had again stopped.  The line started to move before the kids came back so I stayed behind to wait for them.  The same woman approached my kids (almost like she was singling us out) and yelled yet again, "YOU KIDS NEED TO STAY WITH YOUR PARENTS!!"  I was mortified at this moment.  We were almost ready to enter the house of the Lord and I had a stranger screaming at my apparently "wild and unruly" children.

Let me stop here and vent - I'm a good mother.  No, I'm a damn good mother!  My husband and I work so hard for my kids to make sure they are growing up to be model citizens, contributors to society and servants to Heavenly Father.  Are we perfect?  No.  But we sure do try our best!!  For being kids, I consider mine to be pretty well-behaved (especially in this instance) and this woman had no right to be screaming at them and judging me.

So I couldn't let this 70-year old woman bully me anymore without responding.  I turned to her with my heart pounding, mind racing, and I quietly apologized to her.  I said, "I am so, so sorry you have forgotten what it's like to be a child and also to be the parent of one."  I don't know what her response was as I quickly turned and walked away with my kids in hand, literally crying inside.  I was so embarrassed that someone would treat me this way.  What if I wasn't a member of the church and this was my first experience with the LDS church?  I'd never go back - EVER!  Luckily for her, my testimony doesn't reside on her rude actions and I'll always be back.

I'd like to say that once I stepped into the temple that my racing thoughts toward this woman went away and that I was encompassed by the love of Heavenly Father.  But I'm human {obviously...as this lady pointed out}.  Instead I had my mind set on trying to avoid her at all costs which I was able to do, gratefully!  I'm still trying to forgive her and doing my best to remove my negative thoughts toward her.

But I DO feel sorry for her!  I've never been 70 years old (I know it's got to have its challenges) but I do hope that when I'm that age I don't forget what it's like to have the energy of a child, or what it's like to be enduring parenthood.  What I really could have used was a "Mom, you are doing a great job!  Thank you for bringing your children to the temple!"  But instead, I'll take this experience so I can hopefully say it to a struggling mom one day!

An Insomniac's Take on Insomnia

From this post's title, it's apparent I have a sleeping problem.  I've struggled with it for almost 5 years now.  Up until then, I considered myself a great sleeper.  While I'd be sleeping, my husband would mess with me (like pick up my arm and drop it) and I'd never budge.  So what changed?  I'm getting older?  I have 5 kids? I wish I knew the exact answer!  But I do have a few speculations:

I had 3 kids at the time when I had my first instance with insomnia.  My youngest was just 6 months old and my twins were 2.  I could probably say it was stress related having all those little kids.  Ironically, it went away when I got pregnant with baby #4 but returned again and I struggled with it until...you guessed it...getting pregnant with baby #5!  My theory as to why it goes away when I'm pregnant/newborn is I totally bottom out for 9+ months as I'm so sick with morning sickness.  Then the first 6 months while I deal with a newborn, I'm so tired that I'll do anything for sleep.  But as soon as the baby starts sleeping more through the night, that's when I struggle...crazy.  I also read that losing weight can contribute to insomnia and between each pregnancy I've lost anywhere from 15 - 35 pounds to get back to my pre-birth weight.

BUT, I do think that when my baby starts sleeping through the night more, I start pouring "extra curricular" items on my plate that subconsciously stress me out.  Think PTA President, huge home remodeling project, moving states, husband applying for law school, the list goes on.  For me, I think my overload of stress presents itself in the form of insomnia.

Now, I'm also not saying that I don't ever sleep.  I have good and bad nights and they go in waves.  I'll go several weeks (sometimes months) without issues but then something stressful comes into my life and triggers my insomnia, then struggle with it for several weeks (and sometimes months).

Funny how when you suffer from something you find out lots about it!  I don't know that I've Googled any other subject more!  I know all the little "tips" and "tricks" that are all out there.  Ya know, no electronics before bedtime, only sleeping and sex in bed, don't exercise in the evening, no caffeine especially late in the day, yada, yada, yada.  I do all those and still can't sleep.

I've even gone in and seen my family practitioner.  All he did was prescribe me Trazodone and send me on my way.  It helped for a bit (I think it just put my mind at ease like a placebo) but then I'd eventually find myself worse off - drugged and still not sleeping.  I have not been in to see a sleep specialist but that is next on my hit list (I just can't keep having babies as my cure for crying out loud!).  I know there is a sleep center that my insurance company covers that I will probably be looking into in the near future.

But I did want to share a few DIY things that have become a godsend in my life!  I don't know how I happened onto them, but they have been a real life saver:

First up is this DIY workbook:

It has taught me things that I never would have never found by Googling.  My favorite is the "Sleep Restriction" section.  It has done wonders.  You may be able to find this book at the library, but if you are a regular sufferer from insomnia, you may want to have this workbook in your home library.  There are also worksheets for you to fill out so you can keep sleep logs and other helpful information so it's convenient to own your own copy.

Then I've been collecting great aps that I can relax to as I fall asleep at night.  Reading for me is great before I actually get into bed to wind down from the day (which I've discovered that I MUST do for at least an hour before my bedtime) but I find when I get into bed, anxiety about sleeping hits me and I can't fall asleep.  I need something to turn my mind off while I'm in bed.

For that, I have used several aps suggested in this article, "17 Apps That Will Help You Fall Asleep Easily."  I've been using "Simply Being" for several years but I'm branching out and going to try the "Sleep Genius."

If you are suffering from insomnia, know that you are not alone, nor are your only options medication.  I'd LOVE to hear more suggestions on how you cope with insomnia and what you do to treat it and live with it (medically or on a more DIY approach).